


The Note

by hawkeyeshadow



Category: S.W.A.T. (2003)
Genre: Depression, Established Relationship, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-28 22:22:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/679512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeyeshadow/pseuds/hawkeyeshadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote this based on my own personal experience with depression and suicidal thoughts.</p></blockquote>





	The Note

                Jim was helping Brian sort through his stuff while moving Brian into now their house. It’s been a few months since the train yard incident. The whole breaking a drug lord out of custody was completely Fuller’s fault.

                Jim was watching Brian with a smile on his face. Jim was lost in his thoughts. “What are you starring at Jimbo?”  Brian asks, getting up and walking over to where Jim was sitting. “Nothing. I was just thinking.” Jim replies as he pulls Brian down onto his lap. Brian nods and lays his head on Jim’s shoulder.

                It has been a good couple of months. Jim asked Brian out a few hours after the incident. It wasn’t romantic. Brian was in a hospital room getting his face looked over after Jim and his fight.

                “All your boxes are officially all inside, now what do you need my help with?” Jim asks Brian. Brian shrugs, “You could help go through the boxes if you want.” Jim kisses Brian softly than pulls away, “Of course I’ll help.” Jim tells him. Brian smiles, gets up and wanders back over to the box he was sorting. Jim sits up slightly more and pulls a box over to him.

                Their sorting their boxes in silence when Jim finds a note that sets him on edge. When Jim finishes reading the note he looks over at Brian with sadness in his eyes, “Bri?” Brian looks up at Jim with a smile on his face than his smile disappears when he sees the look on Jim’s face, “Jimmy? What is it?” Brian asks as he sits on the arm of Jim’s chair.

                Jim holds out the note to Brian. Brian takes the note and reads it. Brian’s face darkens and eyes become blank. “Care to explain?” Jim asks, waiting for Brian to reply. Brian takes a few deep breaths, figuring out how to explain the note. “Bri?” Jim says as he puts his hand on Brian’s thigh.

                Brian puts his hand over Jim’s and looks up at Jim. “I’ve been depressed for a couple of years.” Brian decides on finally. “When the Fuller plan happened, my depression increased and took over. It got to a point where I felt myself not being able to feel happiness anymore. I lost all hope.” Brian continued, squeezing Jim’s hand. “I decided that the only way to really feel anything was to end it all, so I wrote that note and waited for the right moment. When the day came to put the plan into action I realized that I had waited too long.” Brian finished, finally looking at Jim.

                It took a moment for Jim to process everything Brian told him. “Why didn’t you tell me about your depression in the first place?” Jim settles on asking. “I was afraid that you’d treat me differently…” Brian whispers. Jim looks at Brian thoughtfully. “When have I ever done that to you?” “Never.” “Then why would I start now?” Brian shrugs as he slides onto Jim’s lap.

                “Why did your depression get so bad Bri?” Jim asks after a few minutes. Brian wraps his arms around Jim’s neck. “Fuller was taking away the only person that has ever made me happy.” Brian replied, burying his face in the crook of Jim’s neck. Jim wraps his arms around Brian’s waist. “My depression disappears when I’m with you Jimmy.” Jim could feel Brian’s tears rolling down his neck. He tightens his grip on Brian’s waist.

                “Brian, I’m never leaving you again.” “Promise?” “I promise. I’m here to stay. I’ll help you get through the depression but you need to promise me that if you ever feel like that again than you’ll tell me.” Jim tells Brian. Brian nods and kisses the side of Jim’s neck. “I promise.” “Go to sleep Bri.” Jim tells him softly. Brian closes his eyes and his breath evens out.

                After Brian falls asleep, Jim sits there and thinks. When he saw the note it scared the absolute shit out of him. Jim can’t stop thinking about what would have happened if Brian actually went through with his plan. His mind kept blaming Fuller for all of this which it actually kind of is his fault. Jim looks at Brian while he sleeps and starts running his hand through his hair. Silently promising Brian that he’ll never let him get that depressed again.

                After a few more minutes, Jim picks Brian up and carries him to their bedroom. Jim lays Brian on the bed and quickly changes himself before turning to Brian and changing him. Jim climbs into bed and turns out the lights, pulling the sheets up. Jim wraps his arms around Brian, pulling him back to rest against his chest. Falling asleep himself.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this based on my own personal experience with depression and suicidal thoughts.


End file.
